Death comes across as a terrible shock. It is not a mere cessation of biological processes that sustain the organism but it is culmination of a life that leaves behind a void in the hearts of the kith and the kin of the dead. It is a loss that is felt forever. It is difficult for the loved ones of the dead to come to terms with this harsh fact.
In this condition, if you visit the bereaved you must make sure that you do not say things that would sadden them more or would make them feel helpless. Here are five things that you could avoid saying at a death ceremony.
You want to be polite and say the right things but at times you select wrong words to extend your sympathy. For example, you end up saying things like 'everything happens for good'. Folks, how can someone die for good, unless you are an heir to the will of the dead? This line will not be well received as it not only sounds sarcastic but too rude for the moment. It will rather reveal the insensitive side of you.
The second thing that people often end up saying is, 'at least he didn't suffer?' What do you mean by saying so? Did you want the person to suffer and die or should the family feel happy about the situation that it did not happen so? A peaceful death is definitely better than dying in pain but no one likes to lose a family member whatsoever. And, for you there is no need to sound so practical in such a helpless situation.
Another thing that people usually say to the mourning is, 'it is god's will'. Why do you need to bring in god here? Anyway, it is a clichéd line and please do not use it for the sake of it. It does not hold any meaning to the person who has lost a loved one!!
Utterly surprising are incidents when people pay condolences to the children of a dead couple! They would say, 'your parents are in heaven. They have reunited their'. You think somebody who has lost the major support system of life would want hear such a bizarre thing? Of course not! Please see that whatever you say makes some sense to the listener. You are there to give support and empathize not ridicule someone's loss.
There are some people too full of themselves. They would start narrating their own experiences, 'I know someone who died a similar death'. Don't start recalling such incidences because they are abrupt and pointless.
Instead, you could just say 'I am sorry' or there is no need to say anything at all. That would put your point across better. Hence, be sensible in choosing your words to not ridicule someone's death.
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